Advice to Non-PMOers
HELP GET YOUR PMO FRIENDS TO READ THIS BOOK
First study the contents of this book and try to put yourself in the place of the PMOer. Do not force him to read this book or try to stop him by telling him he is ruining his health or playing with fire. He already knows this better than you do. PMOers do not continue in it because they enjoy it or because they want to. They only tell themselves and other people this in order to retain self-respect. They do it because they feel dependent on PMO because they think that it relaxes them and gives them courage and confidence (pleasure or crutch) and that life will never be enjoyable without “sex” - their version of it. If you try to force a PMOer to stop, he feels like a trapped animal and wants to be in his harem even more. This may turn him into a secret PMOer and in his mind the porn will become even more precious (see Chapter 26).
Instead, concentrate on the other side of the coin. Get him into the company of ex-PMOers (there are many blogs, forums etc. YBOP, No-Fap etc.). Get them to tell the PMOer how they too thought they were hooked for life and how much better life is as a non-PMOer. Once you have got him believing that he can stop then his mind will start to open up. Then start explaining the delusion created by withdrawal pangs. Not only are the “dopamine rushes” not giving him a boost but they are destroying his confidence and making him irritable and tired.
He should now be ready to read this book himself. He will be expecting to read pages and pages about unreliable arousal, fading penetrations, PIED, PE, etc. Explain that the approach is completely different and that references to illness are just a small fraction of the material in the book.
HELP DURING THE WITHDRAWAL PERIOD
If you are dealing with a girlfriend or boyfriend - whether the ex-PMOer is suffering or not, assume that she/he is. Do not try to minimize his suffering by telling him it is easy to stop; he can do that himself. Instead keep telling him how proud you are, how much better he is looking, how much sweeter it is to be with him, how much easier he is in general. It is particularly important to keep doing this. When a PMOer makes an attempt to stop, the euphoria of the attempt and the attention he gets from friends and colleagues can help him along. However, they tend to forget quickly, so keep that praise going.
Because he is not talking about PMOing, you may think he has forgotten about it and don’t want to remind him. Usually the complete opposite is the case with the Willpower Method, as the ex-PMOer tends to be obsessed by nothing else. So do not be frightened to bring the subject up and keep praising him: he will tell you if he doesn’t want you to remind him of PMOing.
Go out of your way to relieve him of pressures during the withdrawal period. Try to think of ways of making his life interesting and enjoyable. This can also be a trying period for non-PMOers - that is those of you who have never had this addiction. If one member of a group is irritable, it can cause general misery all round. So anticipate this if the ex-PMOer is feeling irritable. He may well take it out on you but do not retaliate: it is at this time that he needs your praise and sympathy the most. If you are feeling irritable yourself, try not to show it.
One of the tricks an addict will play when trying to give up with the aid of the Willpower Method was to get into a tantrum, hoping that wife or friends would say, “I cannot bear to see you suffering like this. For goodness sake, have your poison.” The PMOer then does not lose face, as he isn’t “giving in” - he has been instructed. If the ex-PMOer uses this ploy, on no account encourage him to lapse. Instead say, “if that is what PMO does to you, thank goodness you will soon be free. How marvellous that you had the courage and sense to give up.”
HELP END THIS SCANDAL
In my opinion, internet porn is one of the dangers in a free society, piggy backing on the good willed efforts of personal freedoms. Surely the very basis of civilization, the reason why the human species has advanced so far, is that we are capable of communicating our knowledge and experiences not only to each other but to future generations. Even the lower species find it necessary to warn their offspring of the pitfalls in life.
The producers of porn are not doing this in good faith, in the genuine belief that they help mankind, especially now as the addiction to internet porn is widely studied. Maybe in its initial stages people genuinely believed that porn taught intimacy to men and women but today the authorities know that it is a fallacy. Just watch any tube sites nowadays. They make no claims about education. The only claims they make are about the shock, novelty, escalation quality of their clips.
The sheer hypocrisy is incredible. As a society we get uptight about school bullying and objectification of human body. Compared with internet porn, these problems are mere pimples in our society. Thirty five per cent of the population have been addicted to porn and most of them spend quality time with imaginary and illusory pixel people at the expense of health, virility, energy and time. Tens of thousands of people have their lives ruined every year because they become hooked. Internet high speed porn is by far the biggest killer in relationships and yet the biggest vested interest is our for-profit companies. Internet porn producers don’t spend on advertising the filth in mainstream publications - they don’t have to. Our biological urges will lead us to the thresholds of their well stocked internet harems. They give free samples just like your local drug dealer. Heck the tube sites don’t even stock the wares any more as they encourage visitors to post the content.
How clever that porn companies show the 18+ warning at their home page as the deterrent for under age users. Some even don’t bother to do that. Internet porn affect everyone at all ages. “We have warned you of the danger. It is your choice.” Is the attitude they have. Anyway, do they take any steps to verify the age? No. That would discourage their customers. And of course if age verification is legislated they will find another country to host. Or they will pay some ‘elite’ to write how prohibition resulted in bootlegging and the creation of the Mafia. Conveniently forgotten is the question of why repealing prohibition did not result in the reduction of alcohol related casualty numbers. And the contribution of the failure of law enforcement to control the Mafia’s growth. So let’s not waste time in talking about them.
I am confident we can address this differently. By educating our younger generation. If they can step around the cigarettes and alcohol aisles at the local grocery shops then they can do the same with Internet porn too. “Nicotine steals your health, porn steals your hottie.” A catchy meme indeed. The PMOer doesn’t have the choice any more than the heroin addict does. PMOers do not decide to become hooked; they are lured into a subtle trap. If PMOers had the choice, the only PMOers tomorrow morning would be the youngsters starting out and believing they could stop any time they wanted to.
Why the phony standards? Why are heroin addicts seen as criminals, yet can register as addicts and get free heroin and proper medical treatment to help get off it? Just try registering as a porn addict. If you go to your doctor for help, either he will tell you: “stop doing it so much, try moderation,” which you already know won’t work or he will prescribe something else to address your “depression.” Worse is the advice to go and find real partners. Seriously? Do they know of PMOers who find porn better and do it behind their partner’s back? Some people just don’t get it.
Scare campaigns do not help PMOers to stop. They make it harder. All they do is to frighten PMOers, which makes them want to PMO even more. They don’t even prevent teenagers from becoming hooked. Teenagers know that porn kills their libido but they also know one peek will not do it. Because the habit is so prevalent, sooner or later the teenager, through social pressures or curiosity, will try just one visit. And because the free porn has awful clips, he will probably become hooked.
Why do we allow this scandal to go on? Why doesn’t our government come out with a proper campaign? Why doesn’t it tell us that internet porn is a drug and a killer poison, that it does not relax you or give you confidence but destroys your nerves and that it can take just one peek to become hooked? Why can’t they enforce age verification by requesting a registered credit card, maybe with a third party company?
I remember reading H. G. Well’s The Time Machine. The book describes an incident in the distant future in which a man falls into a river. His companions merely sit around the bank like cattle, oblivious to his cries of desperation. I found that incident inhuman and very disturbing. I find the general apathy of our society to the PMO problem very similar. We find characters in movies and TV series talking about or even engaging in porn in a casual way.
Why do we allow society to subject healthy young teenagers, youngsters whose lives are complete before they start to get online, to claim their independence just for the privilege of destroying themselves mentally and physically in a lifetime of slavery, a lifetime of filth and disease? You may feel that I over-dramatize the facts. Not so. There are cases where lives were cut down in his early years of marriage because of PMO. He was a strong man and might still have been alive today. I believe I was within an inch of PIED during my forties, although I would have attributed it to my divorce rather than to PMO. I now spend my life being consulted by people who have been crippled by the disease or are in the last stages. And, if you care to think about it, you probably know of many too.
There is a wind of change in society. A snowball has started that I hope this book will help turn into an avalanche. You too can help by spreading the message.
FINAL WARNING
You can now enjoy the rest of your life as a happy non-PMOer. In order to make sure that you do, you need to follow these simple instructions:
- Keep this page in your bookmarks and refer to it as much as you need.
- If you ever start to envy another PMOer, realize that they will be envious of you. You are not being deprived. They are.
- Remember you did not enjoy being a PMOer. That’s why you stopped. You do enjoy being a non-PMOer.
- Remember, there is no such thing as just one peek.
- Never doubt your decision never to PMO again. You know it’s the correct decision.
- If you have any difficulties find and contact a therapist who is knowledgeable in internet porn. You will find a list of these online.