03-25 Casual PMOers, Teenagers, Non PMOers

Casual PMOers, Teenagers, Non PMOers

Heavy PMOers tend to envy the casual porn user. We’ve all met these characters: “Oh, I can go all week without a PMO, it really doesn’t bother me.” We think: “I wish I were like that!” I know this is hard to believe but no PMOer enjoys being a PMOer. Never forget:

• No PMOer ever decided to become a PMOer casual or otherwise, therefore:
• All PMOers feel stupid, therefore:
• All PMOers have to lie to themselves and other people in a vain attempt to justify their stupidity.

I used to be a golf fanatic. I would brag about how often I played and I wanted to play more. Why do PMOers brag about how little they masturbate? If that’s the true criterion then surely the true accolade is not to masturbate at all?

If I said to you, “do you know, I can go all week without carrots and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest,” You would think I was some sort of nutcase. If I enjoy carrots, why would I want go all week without them? If I didn’t enjoy them, why would I make such a statement? So when a user makes a statement like: “I can go all week without a PMO session, it really doesn’t bother me.” He’s trying to convince both himself and you that he has no problem. But there would be no need to make the statement if he had no problem. What he is really saying is: “I managed to survive a whole week without PMOing.” Like every PMOer, he was probably hoping that after this he could survive the rest of his life. But he could only survive a week and can you imagine how precious that PMO session must have been afterwards, having felt deprived for a whole week?

This is why casual PMOers are effectively more hooked than heavy PMOers. Not only is the illusion of pleasure greater but they have less incentive to quit because they spend less time and are less vulnerable to the health risks. They may occasionally experience PIED but they are not very sure what caused it. Remember, the only pleasure PMOers get is in search-and-seek and then to relieve the withdrawal pangs, as I have already explained but even that pleasure is an illusion. Imagine the little porn monster inside your body as a permanent itch so imperceptible that most of the time we aren’t even aware of it.

Now if you have a permanent itch, the natural tendency is to scratch it. Similarly as our brain’s’ reward circuits become more and more immune to dopamine and opioids, the natural tendency is to edge, escalate, binge, novelty-seek, shock-seek etc. There are four main factors that prevent PMOers from chain-PMOing:

1. Time. Most cannot afford to.
2. Health. In order to relieve our ‘itches’ we have to consume all free material that is available and then some. Capacity to cope with that kind of binging varies with each individual and at different times and situations in his or her life. This acts as an automatic restraint.
3. Discipline. This is imposed by society or the PMOer’s job, or friends and relatives, or by the PMOer himself as a result of the natural tug of war that goes on in every PMOer’s mind.
4. Imagination. Lack of imagination plays down the shock, novelty and other values of the same clip on a subjective basis.

I used to think of my ‘non-casual’ PMOing as a weakness. I couldn’t understand why my friends could limit their “intake.” I knew I was a very strong-willed person. It never occurred to me that most PMOers are incapable of chain-PMOing - you need a very strong imagination and also extraordinarily strong penis stamina in order to do it. Some of these once-a-week PMOers that heavy PMOers tend to envy do it less frequently because physically their constitution cannot do more, or because they cannot afford to PMO more, or because their job, or society, or their own hatred of being hooked won’t allow them to PMO more.

It may be of advantage at this stage to provide a few definitions:

THE NON-PMOer

Someone who has never fallen for the trap but should not be complacent. He is a non-PMOer only by luck or the grace of goodness. All PMOers were convinced that they would never become hooked and some non-PMOers keep trying an occasional session.

THE CASUAL PMOer

There are two basic classifications of casual PMOers:

1. The PMOer who has fallen for the trap but doesn’t realize it. Do not envy such PMOers. They are merely sampling the nectar at the mouth of the pitcher plant and in all probability will soon be heavy users. Remember, just as all alcoholics started off as casual drinkers, so all PMOers started off as casual PMOers.
2. The PMOer who was previously a heavy PMOer and thinks he cannot stop. These PMOers are the saddest of all. They fall into various categories, each of which needs separate comment.

THE ONCE–A- DAY PMOer

If he enjoys his entitlement to orgasm, why does he use internet porn to orgasm only once a day? If he can take it or leave it, why does he bother to PMO at all? Remember, the ‘habit’ is really banging your head against the brick wall only to make it relaxing when you stop. The once-a-day PMOer is relieving his withdrawal pangs for less than one hour each day. The rest of the day, although he doesn’t realize it, he is banging his head against the wall and does so for most of his life. He is PMOing only once a day because either he cannot take the risk of getting caught or screwing up his brain health. It is easy to convince the heavy PMOer that he doesn’t enjoy it but you try convincing a casual PMOer. Anybody who has gone through an attempt to cut down will know it is the worst torture of all and almost guaranteed to keep you hooked for the rest of your life.

THE REJECTED PMOer

This PMOer demands the right to his/her orgasm(s) every day. And of course his sex partner is not always up to it. So he goes on the internet for porn initially. Once he takes “the ride” to fix “the void” he is trapped on this most exciting ‘water slide’ of novelty, shock, supranormal images etc. He is in fact dichotomously ‘happy’ with the partner’s rejection – it gives him something of an excuse. If internet porn is giving so much to you, why even bother to have a partner at all? Set him or her free. He is not even enjoying the PMO when he has to ‘carry’ his partner in his mind. At some point he is using his real life partner to hand him an excuse to go out into the valleys of the dark side of the internet.

THE PORN DIET PMOer

(Or, “I can stop whenever I want to. I have done it thousands of times”). If he thinks dieting helps with his moods to ‘get out to get women,’ why is he even on the diet of once every four days? How can one predict the future, what if the happenstance of meeting occurred just an hour after your scheduled PMO session? Also, if he thinks this occasional “cleaning the plumbing” is good to relieve tension and relax why not plumb every day? It has been proven that masturbation is not required to keep the genitals healthy. Internet porn is not required at all. Even if that may be the case, any PUA guru who has read about the brain chemistry and its plasticity will never recommend watching super stimulus porn. The truth is he is still hooked. Although he gets rid of the physical addiction, he is left with the main problem - the brainwashing. He hopes each time that he will stop for good and soon falls for the same trap again.

Many PMOers actually envy these stoppers and starters. They think, “how lucky to be able to control it like that, to do PMO when you want to and stop when you want to,” What they always overlook is that these stoppers and starters aren’t controlling it. When they are PMOers, they wish they weren’t. They go through the hassle of stopping, then begin to feel deprived and fall for the trap again, then wish they hadn’t. They get the worst of both worlds. If you think about it, this is true in the lives of the PMOers. When we are allowed to PMO we either take it as entitled or wish we didn’t. It’s only when we can’t have PMO that it appears to be so precious. The ‘forbidden fruit syndrome’. This is the awful dilemma of PMOers. They can never win because they are moping for a myth, an illusion. There is one way they can win and that is to stop PMOing and stop moping!

THE I-ONLY-PMO-TO-STATIC / TAME / HOME-MADE-PORN PMOer

Yes, we all do it to start with but isn’t it amazing how the average shock value of these clips seems rapidly to increase and before we know it we seem to be feeling deprived (tolerance)? The novelty is lacking in with static porn and we pay the mascot for a cup of grease and take the ride down the ‘porn water slide’ towards the dark spirals of resentment and guilt. The worst thing you can do is to use your partner’s pictures (with approval, of course) for masturbation. Why? Because you are re-wiring your brain for the seeking, searching and variety induced dopamine flushes. The ‘porn water slides’ in the brain is the DeltaFosB built-up due to the dopamine surges induced by internet porn. But you will find yourself having weak and unreliable erections when you are with her in real time. Another genre in this category is ‘amateur’ or ‘home made’ porn. Most are fakes and you know it. And you are not going to settle down and finish on the very first one that hits your eyes… you are going to continue to seek and search. Remember it’s not only the orgasms but the search-and-seek, the wandering, that gives the porn slide the surge, the ‘ride’. The porn content, whether amateur or professional or whatever is not the issue, it is the ‘brain flushes of dopamine’ during the search-and-seek - the building up of brain tolerance and satiation. Porn destroys normal brain operations. Masturbation confuses the muscle-brain. Orgasms floods the brain and so it should be, better the risks involved in having one.

THE I-HAVE-STOPPED-BUT-I-HAVE-AN-OCCASIONAL-PEEK PMOer

In a way such peeking PMOers are the most pathetic of all. Either they go through their lives believing they are being deprived or, more often, the occasional peek becomes two. They remain on the slippery slope and it goes only one way - DOWNWARDS. Sooner or later they are back to being heavy PMOers. They have fallen again for the very trap that they fell into in the first place.

There are two other categories of casual PMOers. The first is the type who masturbates to images or clips of the latest celebrity sex tapes that hit the news. Or something they ‘carried home’ from their ‘accidental’ viewing at school or work. These people are really non-PMOers. It’s just that they feel they are missing out. They want to be part of the action. We all start off like this. Next time watch how, after a while, the celebrity sex tape, the same star of your fantasy is not ‘doing it’ to you any more. The more ‘unattainable’ the target of your fantasy is, the more frustrating the withdrawal of the orgasm is.

The second category is recently getting attention. The type can best be described by outlining a case shared online. A woman who is a professional, had been using internet porn stories for many years and had never PMOed more or less than one time every night. She was, incidentally, a very strong-willed lady. Most PMOers would wonder why she wanted to stop in the first place. They would gladly point out to her that there is no worries of PIED, or PE in her case as she is a women. She is using not even static images and the stories are far tamer than any they use on a daily basis.

They make the mistake of assuming that casual PMOers are happier and more in control. In control they may be but happy they are not. In this case, she is not satisfied with her partner, not interested in real sex, highly irritable with her daily stress and strains. Her nearest-and-dearest could not find out what is bothering her. Even if she convinced herself not to be afraid of her use of internet porn by rationalizing, she still finds herself not being able to enjoy real relationships which almost invariably involve ups and downs. Her brain’s RC¹ is not able to make use of the normal de-stress brain chemicals as she is flooding dopamine into her brain on an everyday basis. The down regulation² of her brain receptors has rendered her melancholic most times. Like me, she had a great fear of internet porn’s dark side of the treatment of women- before her first time. Like me, she eventually fell victim to the massive social brainwash and tried that first porn site. Like me, she can remember the foul clips of violence staged as entertainment. Unlike me, who capitulated and became a chain-PMOer very quickly, she resisted the slide.

All you ever enjoy in PMO is the ending of the craving that started before it, whether it be the almost imperceptible physical craving for dopamine or the mental torture caused by not being allowed to scratch the itch. Internet porn itself is a poison as far as it concerns you. This is why you only suffer the illusion of enjoying it after a period of abstinence. Just like a hunger or thirst, the longer you suffer it, the greater the pleasure when you finally relieve it. PMOers make the mistake of believing PMO is just a habit. They think, “if I can only keep it down to a certain level or do only on special occasions, my brain and body will accept it. I can then keep my PMOing at that level or cut down further should I wish to.” Get it clear in your mind: the ‘habit’ doesn’t exist. PMOing is drug addiction. The natural tendency is to relieve withdrawal pangs, not to endure them. Even to hold it at the level you are already at, you would have to exercise willpower and discipline for the rest of your life because as your brain’s RC becomes immune to dopamine and opioids, it wants more and more, not less and less. As PMO begins to destroy you physically and mentally, as it gradually breaks down your nervous system, your courage and confidence, your impulse controls, so you are increasingly unable to resist reducing the interval between each session.

That is why in the early days, we can take it or leave it. If we get a sign of something amiss mentally or physically, we just stop. It also explains why someone like me, who never even suffered the illusion of enjoying them, had to go on chain-PMOing even though every time it had become a physical torture. Don’t envy that woman. When you PMO only once every twenty four hours it appears to be the most precious thing on earth. The “forbidden fruit syndrome.” For many years that poor woman had been at the centre of a tug of war.

She had been unable to stop PMOing, yet was frightened to escalate to streaming clips. But for twenty-three hours and ten minutes of every one of those days she had to fight the temptation. She also had to fight her own lack of feelings towards her boyfriend. It took tremendous willpower to do what she did and, as I have said, such cases are rare. But it reduced her to tears in the end. Just look at it logically: either there is a genuine crutch or pleasure in PMOing or there isn’t. If there is, who wants to wait an hour, or a day, or a week? Why should you be denied the crutch or pleasure in the meantime? If there is no genuine crutch or pleasure, why bother paying visits to your online harem?

Here is another case of a once-in-four-days man. This is how the man described his life:

“I am forty years old. I suffered PIED with real women and even when I’d be doing PMO. Most times I am only rubbing it out. It has been a while since I had a full erection. Before going on the one-in-four days porn diet, I used to sleep soundly through the night after my PMO. Now I wake up every hour of the night and all I can think about is PMO. Even when I am sleeping. I dream about my favourite clips. On days after my scheduled PMO I feel pretty down and this diet would take up all my energy. My SO would leave me alone because I am so bad-tempered and if she can’t get out, she will not have me in the house. I go for a jog outside but my mind is obsessed with PMOing. On the schedule day I begin planning earlier in the night. I get very irritated if something happens against my plans. I’d give up on conversation and give in (only to later regret) at work and at home. I am not an argumentative guy but I don’t want the topic or conversation to hold me down. I remember occasions when I’d pick up silly fights with my SO. I then wait for 10 o’clock. When it arrives my hands are shaking uncontrollably. I do not start the deed right away. As there are new videos that has been added, I had to ‘shop’ around. As I click around, my mind tells me that since I had ‘starved’ myself for 4 days I deserve a ‘special’ clip and it has to be worth the time spent searching. Eventually I settle for one or two but then I want it to last so that I can ‘survive’ through the next 4 days. So I take more time to finish the deed.”

In addition to his other troubles, this poor man has no idea that he treating himself to a poison. First he is suffering the “forbidden fruit syndrome.” Next he is forcing his brain to flush dopamine. His dopamine receptors are not as cut down comparatively either. But he is sliding and greasing the porn slides, seeking and searching for edging, novelty, variety, shock-value, anxiety-value (“I must treat myself so that I can survive the next three days”) etc. You probably have visions of a pathetic imbecile. Not so. This man was over six feet tall and an ex-sergeant in the Marines. He was a former athlete and didn’t want to become an addict to anything. However, when he returned from the war he was trained as a techie in a veterans rehab program. When he entered the civil work force he was a well paid IT professional in a bank and was given a laptop (one of the ways to ensure you take work home). It was the year that famous socialites ‘leaked’ their porn videos online. There was much talk about it. And he got hooked. He has spent the rest of his life paying through the nose and it has ruined him physically and mentally. If he were an animal, our society would have put him out of his misery, yet we still allow mentally and physically healthy young teenagers to become hooked. You may think the above case and my notes are exaggerated. It is extreme but not unique. There are literally thousands of similar stories. That man poured his heart out to me but you can be sure that many of his friends and acquaintances envied him for being a once-a-week man. If you think this couldn’t happen to you, STOP KIDDING YOURSELF.

In any event, PMOers like other addicts are notorious liars, even to themselves. They have to be. Most casual PMOers indulge far more times and on far more occasions than they will admit to. I have had many conversations with so-called twice-a-week PMOers during which they have done it more than three times that week. If you read the Reddit or No-Fap forums of casual PMOers, they are either counting the days or waiting to fail. You do not need to envy casual PMOers. You do not need to PMO. Life is infinitely sweeter without PMO. One log says…

“It started with a simple challenge to not touch my penis for a day. And being unable. I don’t think about masturbation anymore. It doesn’t cross my mind. That is possible, I promise you. And the riches that await those who are able - they’re incredible.”

Teenagers are generally more difficult to cure, not because they find it difficult to stop but because either they do not believe they are hooked or they are at the primary stage of the trap and suffer from the delusion that they will automatically have stopped before the secondary stage.

I would like particularly to warn parents of children who loathe internet porn not to have a false sense of security. All children loathe the dark sides of porn until they become hooked. You did too at one time. Also do not be fooled by scare campaigns. The trap is the same as it always was. Children know that internet porn is supranormal stimuli but they also know that one ‘visit’ or ‘peek’ will not do it. At some stage they may be influenced by a girlfriend or boyfriend, school friend or work colleague.

You may think that all they need is an education in brain plasticity and that PMO (including even masturbation) acts like a virus in their brain programme to convince them they could never become hooked. I find society’s failure to prevent our children from becoming addicted to internet porn and other drugs to be the most disturbing of all the many disturbing facets of addiction. I beg you not to be complacent in this matter. It is necessary to protect youngsters as their brain is more plastic at that age. I strongly urge you to read the YBOP book and educate yourself of the brain science. Even if you suspect your teenager might already be hooked, the book will provide excellent guidance to assist in gaining understanding for someone to escape.