03-22 The Willpower Method of Stopping

The Willpower Method of Stopping

It is an accepted fact in our society that it is very difficult to stop PMO. Even books and forums advising you how to do so usually start off by telling you how difficult it is. The truth is that it is ridiculously easy. Yes, I can understand you questioning that statement but just consider it. If your aim is to run a mile in under four minutes, that’s difficult. You may have to undergo years of hard training and even then you may be physically incapable of doing it. (Much of our achievement lies in the mind. Isn’t it strange how difficult it was until Roger Bannister actually did it but nowadays it is commonplace?).

However, in order to stop PMOing all you have to do is not watch internet porn and or masturbate any more. No one forces you to masturbate (apart from yourself) and unlike food or drink, you don’t need it to survive. So if you want to stop doing it, why should it be difficult? In fact, it isn’t. It is PMOers who make it difficult by using the Willpower Method. I define the Willpower Method as any method that forces the PMOer to feel he is making some sort of sacrifice. Let us just consider the Willpower Method.

We do not decide to become PMOers. We merely experiment with porn magazines or websites and because they are awful, yes that is right – awful - except for our desired clip, we are convinced that we can stop whenever we want to. In the main, we watch those first few clips only when we want to and that is usually on special occasions. Before we realize it, we are not only visiting those sites regularly and masturbating when we want to, we are masturbating to them every day. PMO has become a part of our lives. We then ensure that we always have an internet connection wherever we go. We believe that we are entitled to love, sex and orgasms - and also that porn helps to relieve stress. It doesn’t seem to occur to us that the same clip and actors do not provide us the same degree of arousal and that we are either escalating or fighting against the ‘red line’ we have put around ourselves to avoid harmful “bad porn.” In fact, masturbation and internet porn neither improves our sex life nor does it relieve stress, it’s just that PMOers believe they can’t enjoy life or handle stress without an orgasm - even mind induced porn orgasms. Because that is what many times we are doing.

It usually takes us a long time to realize that we are hooked because we suffer from the illusion that PMOers masturbate because they enjoy porn - not because they have to have porn - a need. While we are not “enjoying” porn (which we can never do unless novelty, shock or escalation is added), we suffer from the illusion that we can stop whenever we want to. This is a confidence trap. I don’t enjoy porn, so I am sure I can stop when I want to. Only that you never seem to ‘want’ to stop though.

Usually it is not until we actually try to stop that we realize a problem exists. The first attempts to stop are more often than not in the early days and are usually triggered off by boy-meets-girl and boy notices the girl is not ‘quite enough’ after the initial dates or health (the teenager is still active in sport and finds he is short of breath).

Whatever the reason, the PMOer always waits for a stressful situation, whether it be health or sex. As soon as he stops, the little monster needs feeding. The PMOer then wants something to pump that dopamine - a cigarette or alcohol or of course internet porn where your favourites are just a click and log in away. The porn cache is no longer down in the basement, it’s now virtual in the cloud. If the girl is around or if he is with his friends he cannot have access to his virtual harem and this makes him more distressed.

Now by this time if he had already come across YBOP or Reddit material he is going to be having a tiresome “tug of war” (TOW¹), resisting his temptations and feeling deprived. The thing he usually takes to relieve stress is now not available, so he suffers a triple blow. The probable result after a period of torture is the compromise, “I’ll cut down,” or, “I’ve picked the wrong time,” or, “I’ll wait until the stress has gone from my life.” However, once the stress has gone, he has no need to stop and doesn’t decide to do so again until the next stressful time. Of course, the time is never right because life for most people doesn’t become less stressful; it becomes more so. We leave the protection of our parents and enter the world of setting up home, taking on mortgages, having children, more responsible jobs, etc. Of course, the PMOer’s life can never become less stressful because it is the porn that actually causes stress. The quicker the PMOer passes on to the escalation stage, the more distressed he becomes and the greater the illusion of his dependency grows.

In fact, it is an illusion that life becomes more stressful and it’s the porn itself, or a similar crutch, that creates the illusion. This will be discussed in greater detail in Chapter 28. After these initial failures the PMOer usually relies on the possibility that one day he will wake up and just not want to masturbate, use porn etc. any more. This hope is usually kindled by the stories that he has heard about other ex-PMOers (e.g. “I was not serious until I had a ‘fading penetration’ then I didn’t want to use porn any more and stopped masturbating”).

Don’t kid yourself. I have probed all of these rumours and they are never quite as simple as they appear. Usually the user has already been preparing himself to stop and merely used the incident as a springboard. I spent many years waiting to wake up one morning wanting never to PMO again. Whenever I had a PIED incident or even lack of energy - I would look forward to my energy dip to end because it was interfering with my entitled porn orgasms.

More often in the case of people who stop “just like that” they have suffered a shock. Perhaps a ‘discovery’ by their girlfriend or wife, a self spotting incident of accessing porn that is not of your normal sexual orientation, or they have had a scare themselves. It is so much easier to say, “I just decided to stop one day. That’s the sort of guy I am.” Stop kidding yourself! It won’t happen unless you make it happen.

Let’s consider in greater detail why the Willpower Method is so difficult. For most of our lives we adopt the head-in-the-sand, “I’ll stop tomorrow” approach. At odd times something will trigger off an attempt to stop. It may be concerns about health, virility or we may have been going through a particularly heavy bout of self analyses and realize that we don’t actually enjoy it.

Whatever the reason, we take our head out of the sand and start weighing up the pros and cons of PMO. It is time to define what PMO is - the internet porn IP, any porn, masturbation with or without porn and orgasms. Sex is split into amative and propagative. This distinction is one of our major keys in opening up our mind’s doors. Without which there will be confusion and failure will be the result. We then find out what we have known all our lives: on a rational assessment the conclusion is, a dozen times over, STOP PMOing.

If you were to sit down and give points out often to all the advantages of stopping and do a similar exercise with the advantages of PMOing, the total point count for stopping would far outweigh the disadvantages. If you employ Pascal’s Wager - by quitting, you will see that you are losing almost nothing with higher chances of gaining a lot and also higher chances of NOT losing a lot. However, although the PMOer knows that he will be better off as a non-PMOer, he does believe that he is making a sacrifice. Although it is an illusion, it is a powerful illusion. The PMOer doesn’t know why, but he believes that during the good times and the bad times of life the PMO sessions does appear to help. Before he starts the attempt he has the brainwashing of our society, reinforced by the brainwashing of his own addiction. To these must be added the even more powerful brainwashing of how difficult it is to “give up.”

He has heard stories of PMOers who have stopped for many months and are still desperately craving. There are all the disgruntled stoppers (people who stop and then spend the rest of their lives bemoaning the fact that they’d love to PMO). He has heard of the PMOers who had stopped for many months or even years, apparently leading happy lives but then have one ‘look’ or PMO and are suddenly hooked again. Probably he also knows several PMOers in the advanced stages of the disease who are visibly destroying themselves and are clearly not enjoying life yet they continue to PMO. Added to all this, he has perhaps already suffered one or more of these experiences himself.

So, instead of starting with the feeling, “Great! Have you heard the news? I don’t need to PMO any more!” He starts with a feeling of doom and gloom, as if he were trying to climb Everest and he firmly believes that once the little monster has got his hooks into you, you are hooked for life. Many PMOers even start the attempt by apologizing to their girlfriends and wives: “Look. I am trying to give up PMO. I will probably be irritable during the next few weeks. Try to bear with me.” Most attempts are doomed before they start.

Let’s assume that the PMOer survives a few days without a PMO session. He is getting back his arousal and morning wood is starting to rear its head. He hasn’t opened the “favourites” on his tube sites and consequently getting turned on and a tent appears for incidences where he would have zoned out before. So the reasons why he decided to stop in the first place are rapidly disappearing from his thoughts. It is like seeing a bad road accident when you are driving. It slows you down for a while but the next time you are late for an appointment you have forgotten all about it and your foot stamps on the throttle.

On the other side of the tug of war, that little monster inside you hasn’t had his fix. There is no physical pain. If you had the same feeling because of a cold, you wouldn’t stop working or get depressed. You would laugh it off. All the PMOer knows is that he wants to visit his harem. Quite why it is so important to him he doesn’t know. The little monster in the stomach then starts off the big monster in the mind and now the person who a few hours or days earlier was listing all the reasons to stop is desperately searching for any excuse to start again. Now he is saying things like:

• “Life is too short. A bomb could go off. I could step under a bus tomorrow. I have left it too late. They tell you everything gives you addiction these days.”
• “I have picked the wrong time. I should have waited until after Christmas, after my holidays/tests, after this stressful event in my life. I cannot concentrate, I am getting irritable and bad tempered. I cannot do my job properly. My family and friends won’t love me. Let’s face it, for everybody’s sake I have got to start again. I am a confirmed sex addict and there is no way I will ever be happy again without an orgasm inducing masturbation.”
• “No man can survive without sex (brainwashed by well meaning people who did not think about the amative and propagative distinction of sex).”
• “I know this will happen - my brain is ‘sensitized’ by the deltaFosB due to changes effected by dopamine surges because of my past excessive porn use. Sensitization can ‘never’ be removed from the brain.”

At this stage the PMOer usually gives in. He fires up his browser and the schizophrenia increases. On the one hand there is the tremendous relief of ending the craving, when the little monster finally gets his fix; on the other hand, the orgasm is awful and the PMOer cannot understand why he is doing it. This is why the PMOer thinks he lacks willpower. In fact, it is not lack of willpower; all he has done is to change his mind and make a perfectly-rational decision in the light of the latest information.

• “What’s the point of being healthy if you are miserable?”
• “What is the point of being rich if you are miserable?”

Absolutely none. Far better to have a shorter enjoyable life than a lengthy miserable life. Fortunately, that is not true - just the reverse. Life as a non-PMOer is infinitely more enjoyable but it was this delusion that kept me masturbating for twenty five years. I must confess, if that were the true situation, I would still be PMOing. The misery that the PMOer is suffering has nothing to do with withdrawal pangs. True, they trigger them off, but the actual agony is in the mind and it is caused by doubt and uncertainty. Because the PMOer starts by feeling he is making a sacrifice, he begins to feel deprived - this is a form of stress. One of the times when his brain tells him, “have a peek,” will be a time of stress. Therefore as soon as he stops, he wants to go back. But now he can’t because he has stopped. This makes him more depressed, which sets the trigger off again. Another thing that makes it so difficult is the waiting for something to happen. If your object is to pass a driving test, as soon as you have passed the test it is certain you have achieved your object. Under the Willpower Method you say, “if I can go long enough without internet porn then the urge to PMO will eventually go.” You can see this in the forum where addicts talk about their number of days of abstinences.

How do you know when you have achieved it? The answer is that you never do because you are waiting for something to happen and nothing else is going to happen. You stopped when you had that last session and what you are really doing now is waiting to see how long it will be before you give in. Especially if you have read and subscribed the brain chemistry and DeltaFosB or any other similar sciences. You say, “if only I wait it out - like kidney stones - it will dissolve and go away.”

As I said above, the agony that the PMOer undergoes is mental and caused by uncertainty. Although there is no physical pain, it still has a powerful effect. The PMoer is miserable and feeling insecure. Far from forgetting about PMO, his mind instead becomes obsessed with it. There can be days or even weeks of black depression. His mind is obsessed with doubts and fears.

• “How long will the craving last?”
• “Will I ever be happy again?”
• “Will I ever want to get up in the morning?”
• “How will I ever cope with stress in future?”

The PMOer is waiting for things to improve but of course while he is still moping, the ‘harem’ is becoming more precious. In fact, something does happen but the user isn’t conscious of it. If he can survive three weeks without opening up his browser at all, the physical craving for porn and orgasm (the little monster) disappears. However, as stated before, the pangs of withdrawal from dopamine and opioids are so mild that the user isn’t aware of them.

But after about three weeks many PMOers sense that they have “kicked it.” So they then take a peek to prove it and it does just that. The ex-PMOer has now supplied dopamine to the body and as soon as he is done it starts to leave the body. There is now a little voice at the back of his mind saying, “you want another one.” In fact, he had kicked it but now he has hooked himself again.

When you were a child you watched Mickey Mouse on TV and as per the brain science you formed DeltaFosB for the cartoon. If I were to discourage you at that time from watching this program - I’d study why adults don’t like to watch their favourite childhood cartoon anymore - whether they still hold this DeltaFosB or not. For one, they have better entertainment and for the other the old cartoon does not hold the magic anymore. With the Willpower Method you are denying the child the cartoon - but with my method you are also making sure that he sees no value in the cartoon. Which one is better?

The PMOer will not usually get into another session immediately. He thinks, “I don’t want to get hooked again!” So he allows a safe period to pass. It might be hours, days, even weeks. The ex-PMOer can now say, “well, I didn’t get hooked, so I can safely have another session.” He has fallen back into the same trap as he did in the first place and is already on the slippery slope.

PMOers who succeed under the Willpower Method tend to find it long and difficult because the main problem is the brainwashing - long after the physical addiction has died, the PMOer is still moping around all miserable. Eventually - if he can survive this long-term torture - it begins to dawn on him that he is not going to give in. He stops moping and accepts that life goes on and is enjoyable without PMO.

Many PMOers are succeeding with this Willpower Method but it is difficult and arduous. There are many more failures than successes. Even those who do succeed can go through the rest of their lives in a vulnerable state. They are left with a certain amount of the brainwashing and believe that during good and bad times the PMOs can give you a boost. (Most non-PMOers also suffer from that illusion. They are subjected to the brainwashing also but either find they cannot learn to “enjoy” internet porn or are too religious and don’t want the bad side, thank you very much). This explains why many PMOers who have stopped for long periods end up starting again later on.

Many ex-PMOers will have the occasional session as a “special treat” or to convince themselves how strong their self-control is. It does exactly that but as soon as their session ends, dopamine starts to leave and a little voice at the back of their mind is saying, “you want another one.” If they get on with another one, it still seems to be under control - no shocks, no escalation, no novelty seek and they say, “marvellous! While I am not really enjoying it, I won’t get hooked. After Christmas/the holiday/this trauma, I will stop,” Little do they know the ‘water slides’ of their brain. The action greased the slides even more.

Too late. They are already hooked. The trap that they fell into in the first place has claimed its victim again.

As I keep saying, enjoyment doesn’t come into it. It never did! If we PMOed because we enjoyed it, nobody would stay on the tube sites more than the average time it takes to finish the deed. Anyway, a better way to orgasm is to masturbate out of your memories. We assume we enjoy internet porn only because we cannot believe we would be so stupid as to get addicted if we didn’t enjoy them. I had no idea about supranormal stimulus or novelty-seeking or shock-seeking, and even after I read about them, I did not believe that so much of my “fun” seeking was to do with simple evolutionary reward circuit wiring. I am some lab rat? I have free will! This is why so much of our PMOing is subconscious. If, while using, you were aware of the brain changes (the dopamine/opioid squirts, diluting of those fluids, the closing up of their receptors, the satiation levels going up ruining our future encounters and experiences with the opposite sex and you had to say to yourself, “this is going to cost $$$ in my lifetime, and this session with an unknown two dimensional actor might just be the one to trigger off PIED, PE, hypofrontality by greasing those ‘water slides’” - even the illusion of enjoyment would go.

When we try to block our minds to the bad side, we feel stupid. If we had to face up to it, that would be intolerable! If you get to watch a PMOer in action, you will see that they are happy only when they are not aware that they are PMOing. Once they become aware of it, they tend to be uncomfortable and apologetic. We PMO to feed that little monster… and once you have purged the little monster from your body and the big monster from your brain, you will have neither need nor desire to PMO.